Well, here I am sitting at work and all I can think of is blogging to get some things off my chest so I decided to join this site. Much better layout then some of the others I've seen thus far.
Anyhow, I have lived in Texas now for almost a year. I divorced my husband of 5 years and picked up and moved away. I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't fair to my son the way his dad was. I know I broke some people's hearts, but I had to do what I had to do. Don't we all? :-/ My son, Kylar who will be 5 in March of this year is the best thing to ever happen to me. My mom can testify to the fact that I have wanted kids since I was TWELVE! We would be walking through a store and I'd see a baby in a stroller and I'd say "I'm going to have one of those one day". She'd always tell me to wait and not wish my life away, but now that I'm here there's no other place I'd rather be. He is the light (and the darkness lol) of my life. Up until 36 weeks he was supposed to be a girl. Everything I had for him was pink, pink, pink, pink, pink! Go figure now he loved Dora, Tinkerbell, Cinderella and anything that's pink and sparkly. My ex-husband would say that if he turned out to be gay he'd give him the beating of his life and then disown him. One of the countless reasons we are not together anymore. Aside from the monthly task of having to apologize to friends, replace busted doors, find ways to cover up holes in the walls, or just try to maintain my sanity, the very last straw for me was when my three year old son got out of bed for god knows what reason and finds me crying quietly in the corner. Sits down on my lap and tells me not to be sad that I can get out of time out now.
I thought, planned, gradually let my husband know that his anger and violence wasn't working for me anymore, spoke with friends (just in case) and then waited until his birthday was over with and then I packed my things and moved us into my moms. I stayed there for a little less than a month and then I packed us up and took us on a road trip to Texas. We visited with friends, relaxed and after a month of this we decided to stay. I let the ex know (not like he cared anyway). My mom was all too happy about me being 4 states away from him so she encouraged it. Kylar had already made friends and what not so I found him a preschool and me a job (in less than two weeks). I have kept the job and it's only gotten better. Kylar has made more friends and is coming along pretty well considering he wanted to try to be there for me during those hard times. Granted a lot of those hard times he thankfully will not remember because he was too small, but I still feel that I waited way too long before I got out. Staying for the kids is never the right thing to do. Everybody is happier when Mom is happy. Isn't that what my mom always said? "Nobody's happy unless mom is". LOL
Anyway, today I have a wonderful man in my life. A job that keeps getting better and a son who is about to be 5!! I can't believe it. He will be in kindergarten this year! :-( He has started asking about his dad more and more lately and I'm not sure why. My ex, Tommy, never calls. He hasn't spoken with him since Kylar called him on Christmas day. Tommy will text me every once in a while to have me tell Kylar that he misses him or he will call him later and after many dissapointed looks and wonderings I just quit telling him. I'm tired of him asking why daddy doesn't call him anymore or why we can't go to daddy's.
I guess I should get to work now. I feel much better letting all that out.
Kylar's Mommy...signing off....
