More than anything

What I want for Yule/Christmas is:

People to be a little understanding and tolerant. I do not believe jesus is the "reason for the season" and was posting something online about christmas/yule (I was making incense and made a great xmas blend!), but abbreviated it to "xmas". I had someone jump on my case about not leaving christ out of christmas and I struck back a little (let her have some of the truth). I think, considering this is the United States of America, a place where I am free to believe what I choose without fear of persecution, I now have (probably more than before! lol) people who refuse to speak to me. Alllllll because I don't believe in jesus. I'm not going to apologize for the things I believe or don't believe or the fact that I use reason and logical thought processes when choosing friends or family members to associate with instead of choice of religion, but I have family members asking me to apologize for degrading this person who posted on MY profile and also to just "go with the general public".

I am not the general public. I am me. I have never believed what the general public believed and if someone, ANY ONE of the numerous people I asked about these things when I was younger had given me any advice at all or even just a kind ear without telling me to just shut up and believe what I'm told I might not be so bitter. I try very hard to keep my "general public" mask in place and sometimes it falters a little, but I don't think I should be a rug for people of the general public to wipe their religious feel on me just because I have a different opinion than they.

Call me crazy, but I have a dream. One where we live in peace & tolerance instead of disrespectful, narrow minded people who think their way is THE way. There is so much wrong with the world that to me, worrying about what religious affiliation I have should be the least of anyone's concern. How about getting better health care,water without fluoride (do some research), food without poisons or big name monopolies of corporations trying to get you hooked on alcohol or cigarettes so they have a guaranteed income and hot headed soldiers?

ME!

I don't really care that nobody reads my blog (this is for future reference) because it helps me release my stress and get things off my chest that I need to. BUT.....

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

Celebrating in style, I woke up with the love of my life, said goodbye as we went to work, called my family on the way to get me a chocolate fudgy filled donut and here I sit at work alone with no boss, no co-workers...just me! Hoping to have some sushi tonight, but it depends on the time the man gets home. I always try to live everyday to be happy and love the life I'm living, but today I just feel high and tingly. I don't know why. I thought I'd hate birthdays the older I got, but even though it hasn't been any kind of elaborate all the fibers that make me up are just glad I'm not where I was 3 years ago, 4 years ago...I love my life. I love the people in it and my son. Even though times have been hard financially I don't ever want to be anywhere else. It's not about money or "things" for me. It's about the people and the time spent here with them.

Over the weekend I got a beautiful Fire Topaz ring from my better half's mommy and a full moon ceremony from his dad! I haven't been in the circle with another person in years and it was pretty amazing. I don't think I would ever join a coven just because I'm more comfortable as a solitary. Feels more personal to me, but I would definitely hold a ritual with another person or other people every once in a while! It was fun.

Signing off and listening to Cake!
Blessed be!

Sick of it

I'm trying to keep up with this whole blogging thing, but I'm usually so busy at work it's impossible to do anything else. And I didn't want to blog angry this morning, LOL.

Anyhoo, I am almost 27 years old. I've held this position since I got to Texas in 2009 and am raising what I consider to be a responsible child, considering he's only 5. I am not some flighty little 14 year old who thinks she's in love with every boy she meets. Granted, I haven't experienced the life my mom has, but I still think I'm fairly experienced at life given what I've been through with my ex.

The one thing I am so sick of is society's standards toward the general public. I am so ashamed of how this nation goes about telling people they should live. It's just sad that because I am in love with my partner and am not married to him that the world should look down on me. This does not change how I work, how I raise my son or how I regard nature by not littering. This doesn't make me a murderer or a rapist, it just makes me not married. After spending 6 years with my ex and two years with the current, I realize that marriage guarantees you nothing. Not even child support after things end in a bloody sticky mess. I haven't seen one damn cent out of my ex for my 5 year old son EVER. Let alone the fact that he hasn't even tried to call him in 3 months. I hold no soft spot in my heart anymore for the institution of marriage. Women, especially make it hard to believe in marriage for me because of how they treat their wedding day. Yes, it's their special day, but bridezilla? Come on...get real. A big glamorous wedding makes you no promises. It doesn't contain the magic fairy dust you need for a successful marriage. A successful, long lasting relationship is about getting along, compromising and be respectful of the other person. BOTH OF YOU. It's work, everything in life is. If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it. You don't get to yell at the other person because you needed to vent. Find another way and talk it over with your S/O. Repsect their feelings.

Anyway, I've deviated from what I was saying. The more that people push me to push him to ask me to marry him, the more it makes me want to say "absolutely not!" We are stuck to each other like glue 24/7. We so enjoy spending our free time together, watching movies, playing games, taking the boy places or whatever we see we want to do. We love each other's families and are working on the design of our next house (already bought a house together, but going to build the next one). So...I don't see the problem. The only thing I see could potentially be a problem is money or "things" if he passes away. But other than that, I was married to an asshole for 6 years and absolutely nothing was sacred in that relationship. These two relationships are like night and day, I swear. How can something be so wrong in society's eyes and so right in my heart? I just don't get it.

Ky's Mommy signing off...

Just starting

Well, here I am sitting at work and all I can think of is blogging to get some things off my chest so I decided to join this site. Much better layout then some of the others I've seen thus far.

Anyhow, I have lived in Texas now for almost a year. I divorced my husband of 5 years and picked up and moved away. I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't fair to my son the way his dad was. I know I broke some people's hearts, but I had to do what I had to do. Don't we all? :-/ My son, Kylar who will be 5 in March of this year is the best thing to ever happen to me. My mom can testify to the fact that I have wanted kids since I was TWELVE! We would be walking through a store and I'd see a baby in a stroller and I'd say "I'm going to have one of those one day". She'd always tell me to wait and not wish my life away, but now that I'm here there's no other place I'd rather be. He is the light (and the darkness lol) of my life. Up until 36 weeks he was supposed to be a girl. Everything I had for him was pink, pink, pink, pink, pink! Go figure now he loved Dora, Tinkerbell, Cinderella and anything that's pink and sparkly. My ex-husband would say that if he turned out to be gay he'd give him the beating of his life and then disown him. One of the countless reasons we are not together anymore. Aside from the monthly task of having to apologize to friends, replace busted doors, find ways to cover up holes in the walls, or just try to maintain my sanity, the very last straw for me was when my three year old son got out of bed for god knows what reason and finds me crying quietly in the corner. Sits down on my lap and tells me not to be sad that I can get out of time out now.

I thought, planned, gradually let my husband know that his anger and violence wasn't working for me anymore, spoke with friends (just in case) and then waited until his birthday was over with and then I packed my things and moved us into my moms. I stayed there for a little less than a month and then I packed us up and took us on a road trip to Texas. We visited with friends, relaxed and after a month of this we decided to stay. I let the ex know (not like he cared anyway). My mom was all too happy about me being 4 states away from him so she encouraged it. Kylar had already made friends and what not so I found him a preschool and me a job (in less than two weeks). I have kept the job and it's only gotten better. Kylar has made more friends and is coming along pretty well considering he wanted to try to be there for me during those hard times. Granted a lot of those hard times he thankfully will not remember because he was too small, but I still feel that I waited way too long before I got out. Staying for the kids is never the right thing to do. Everybody is happier when Mom is happy. Isn't that what my mom always said? "Nobody's happy unless mom is". LOL

Anyway, today I have a wonderful man in my life. A job that keeps getting better and a son who is about to be 5!! I can't believe it. He will be in kindergarten this year! :-( He has started asking about his dad more and more lately and I'm not sure why. My ex, Tommy, never calls. He hasn't spoken with him since Kylar called him on Christmas day. Tommy will text me every once in a while to have me tell Kylar that he misses him or he will call him later and after many dissapointed looks and wonderings I just quit telling him. I'm tired of him asking why daddy doesn't call him anymore or why we can't go to daddy's.

I guess I should get to work now. I feel much better letting all that out.

Kylar's Mommy...signing off....